Anonymous: April 2012

Here am I.

I've found that anonymity has no place in life. The well lived life is defined by the flow of information. The more I learn and the more I teach the better my life will be. The subject of this blog will be my self; my thoughts, feelings, observations, beliefs, as much as I can lay bare to you.

This does not mean that I disregard the control of information, I will carry certain secrets to my grave. This means that I recognize how powerful this information can be and I try to treat it with the respect it deserves.

As such there will be no gossip, no news, no lies, no fiction displayed here. I will share prudently in order to guard the lives and secrets of those I love while still sharing what depth of understanding they've helped me to attain.

I don't know how long this will last. This may be a flight of fancy or a capricious whim, it may find its way into the annals of history. Whatever the case may be, my only intention is to use this tool to build my life and my self. I only hope that my life is worth living, and that I am worth knowing.

You are welcome to read, you are welcome to comment, you are welcome to enter my experience in whatever way you see fit. But please, respect me for who I am.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

What is it?

I have to wonder if there's something that I'm missing.

There have been four distinct instances in my life where my closest circle of friends has deliberately removed themselves from me. In each instance it has been those that I love, respect, trust, and rely on the most, and it has been far too complete and far too sudden to have happened by chance. Each occurrence has come during a different "phase" of my life; once during the latter years of high school, once during my freshman year of college, once shortly after my mission, and now. So I'm fairly certain that I've been a better person each time it's happened, and yet they still walk away.

So the question stands, what is it?

All I know for certain is that I am alone for the foreseeable future, and that it hurts more each time. I'm not a bad person, at most I'm ignorant of what I've done or what it is about me.

But yeah, if you have any ideas, let me know.