Compliments

When did compliments become so scary?

A long time ago I resolved to focus on and express appreciation for the good I see in others. When I think someone looks good, I'm going to tell them. When a person performs well, I'm going to tell them. When someone does or is something that is deserving of recognition, I express that. I do everything in my power to be honest and sincere, I avoid empty flattery, and I work to express myself in a timely and appropriate way. But I know so many wonderful people, people that deserve more praise then I could ever hope to give them, that choose not to accept compliments. Whether they make a joke of it and push it aside, or ignore it, or simply choose not to believe it, any attempt at a sincere compliment is reduced to shaking air. I cannot find an effective way to impress upon these individuals my sincerity, and it hurts. It hurts because they need to have a healthy appreciation of the good in themselves, and it hurts because they regard what I say as something less than truth.

When I give someone a compliment I am expressing my love for them. Whether I've just met them or I've known them for years doesn't matter, sincere praise is an expression of love. When an individual disregards the sincere praise that I give to them, they're disregarding my feelings for them. I know that they don't intend to hurt me, but this is what happens.

I recognize that there are so many reasons for doubting the good in ourselves. I also recognize that there are just as many reasons to doubt others. I and my contemporaries also happen to be in a pivotal and monumental time of life; marriage, starting a family, beginning a career, even just learning to live on our own gives everything so much more weight, so much more value. Because of this (and so much more) it can be terrifying to think of trusting another person enough to let them influence our lives.

But why should we fear it? It's because of this incredible value and monumental importance that we should cherish the good we find in others and in ourselves. We should be open and honest about how we feel, and cherish the feelings of others. There is so much riding on our development and success, there is so much of life yet to be lived. Why then should we limit our experience? Why throttle our emotions? Why deny the emotions of others? Why should we be surprised when we see good in others? Why should we be afraid when others see the good in us? I say that we ought to love, and be loved in return.

Yes, we need to exercise caution. Yes, we're gonna get hurt now and again. But we should never, ever sacrifice the good because we're afraid of the bad. We only need prepare ourselves, fill ourselves with love and respect and concern for ourselves and those around us, and we can be successful in any instance.

I cannot see any reason for fear.